NOTE: These recaps are a bit more for me than you. I’ll skip over stuff, include asides that are more personal notes to me, etc. Your mileage may vary. More detailed/sanctioned recaps will be available at http://microconfrecap.com at some point.

Bits in italics are personal asides.

Presenter: Sherry Walling, Ph.D.

A founder’s life

  • A founder’s life is a very difficult life.
  • Higher rate of anxiety
  • Isolation, living in your own head, especially among solo founders and micropreneurs.
  • Increased rick and vulnerability
  • Risk of failure and shame, which can keep you up at night. What does it mean if you fail? Is it a global failure?
  • Shame is a killer emotion.
  • There are a lot blurred lines.
  • The successes are fantastic, but the reality is it’s very hard.
  • http://devsanddepression.com
  • These are important conversations.
  • Self-selected bias to reward some things we classify as mental illness - depression, anxiety and the like.

How do we minimize this collateral damage?

  • DSM-5
  • How to Stay Sane
  • Chaos: impulsive, disorganized; incomplete thoughts, we are our feelings. What we feel must be true.
  • Never feeling like it’s good enough.
  • These notes are going to be sparse, hitting a bit close to home given my past history of depression, Ed.
  • Rigidity is the other end of the spectrum. Trying over and over to make things work the same way. Feeling like you have to stay within the lines to be successful.
  • Repetitive, inflexible actions: “Always”, “Never”, “Must, “Should”.
  • This is never going to work, I’m wasting my time.
  • Fear dictates decisions.
  • It has to be this way or that way.
  • If this doesn’t go the way I wanted to, there will be severe, catastrophic consequences. This is rarely true.
  • Fear is the primary driver behind rigidity. Desire to control external variables. The fear of what you can’t control. A dangerous way to live. We all go there sometimes, but if it’s all the time, you might need to ask, “Am I well?”

Finding balance between chaos and rigidity

  • Time out = a change in perspective. Step outside of well-worn patterns to do something else.
  • Sleep is a really important way to take time out. Exercise and nutrition. All three take dedicated attention.
  • Play. Taking time out to have fun. To be something more than your app.
  • Take breaks from screens. We can forget how to sit eye-to-eye with someone. We want to let our brain do something different, a change of pace and change on content.
  • Travel. Time out to enjoy novelty. To understand the world is big, and you want to put your app in the proper place.
  • Service. Spend time helping charity. Understanding that even if you’re struggling with your app, you have a role in the well-being of another person.
  • Puts your experience in a larger context.
  • It’s a privilege to do this kind of work.
  • Sleep is the single most important behavioral activity. Helps keep us healthy, give a time when your brain is incredibly active. Your brain is working on complex problems while you’re sleeping.
  • TED Talk
  • Time out: Breathe. Interrupt the feedback loop between your body and your mind.
  • Even something as simple as four breaths can stop the anxiety cycle.
  • Time in = engaging in a deeper way.
  • Engaging your work in an intentional way.
  • Carve out uninterrupted time to do one thing. Keep it sacrosanct.
  • Conferences: giving you time and space to learn outside of your normal schedule.
  • Masterminds: You want to do it on your own, but you actually can’t do that. We all need others. We need feedback.
  • Who are your role models?
  • Who can help you find balance?
  • Who do you trust to be part of your feedback loop?
  • Very specific, tailored feedback.
  • Question: How do you find these sorts of relationships? Just blindly email? Something more?
  • Personal metrics: Thinking about thinking.
  • What kind of data should you track?
  • What was life giving today? What sucked life today? What was my high point? Low point? Where did I feel flow? Where didn’t I?
  • Important data to know what you actually enjoy doing.
  • Record a daily checkin or journal.
  • Write one thing that went well or made you happy today.
  • When we dare to be self-observent, we practice telling our story, our positive personal narrative.
  • Observe, don’t judge. Emotions are momentary, they don’t embody the whole story about us.
  • Get comfortable with your emotions.
  • Retreat: Not margaritas on the beach. Specific time to focus on deeper questions about your work or life - solitary.
  • Be screenfree if possible.
  • Focus on specific questions, map out yearly goals and sit with it for a couple days.
  • This closely maps to GTD’s levels of review
  • Big-picture thinking.
  • We are imperfect being and we get snagged sometimes.
  • How do you know when you need help:
    • When you have significant sleep disruption for extended period
    • When you cross the line.
    • Prolonged inability to focus or shift your thoughts.
    • “I am just not myself” that stays with you for a while.
    • Apathy, sadness or flat mood lasting several weeks
    • Thoughts of self-harm or disregard for personal safety

Of note: It was difficult to keep dry eyes at the end of this talk. Parts of this really hit close to home. And if that last section matches your experience, especially the last bit … please get help. I know from my own experience how important that help can be. I’m also no professional, but I’m more than happy to help any way I can. I’ve been there and it gets better.